! WELL BUGGER ME.I aint been on this for *ages* now, what with work and all that.
I've also had an extreme lack of hummus for making anything silly over the last few months.
But because I've been coding so much recently, my brain is now full of stupid crap, and I need a good mental enema, so I reckon that I'll start making some daft animations and stuff again.
Oh yes.
! ADVERTISING.
Once again, Rune industries™ have risked their lives to bring you, the reader, some text on a web page that no-one ever reads.
But this does not deter us from badgering the truth with a small stick until it cries.
This weeks discussion is on a subject that is close to all our hearts. No, its not the left lung, its "Advertising"!
YES!
What advertising is:"Advertising is salesmanship. The only purpose of advertising is to make sales. It is profitable or unprofitable according to its actual sales."
Thats what we thought. Until we looked a bit further into the subject and decided that Advertising is a Satanic device to control our souls. Now, dont get us wrong, the methods involved in Advertising could be turned to GREAT GOOD. But this is not the case. Advertising is trying to make us purchase things we dont need, with money we dont have. Where is the good in that?
NOWHERE! NOWHERE!
You see our point. Surely.
Let us explain ourselves. With clarity. And Claret.
Say for example you want some Mayonaisse. You go to the local thoroughfare with some of you hard earned federal cash and you wander down the aisle looking for the delicious eggy substance. You arrive at a shelf that looks promising, and LO! There is mayonaisse everywhere! In different pots, cans, bags and in extreme cases, cats. But now you have a problem. Which eggy spread is the one for you? Which one will taste the best? Which one will give you cancer of the soul and render your acumen useless? The answer is simple. The one for you is the one you have seen on the telly. Yes, that's right. I'm talking about Hellmans.
We here at Rune Industries LOVE Hellmans mayonaisse so much we invite it to parties, even though it rarely turns up.
But why do we love its albumeny texture so? Because of the telly, that's why. If we had never ever seen an "advert" for this particular brand of Mayo then we too would be like you, stuck in the aisle wondering which particular eggstract was for us. Dazed and confused, even the Mighty Rune Industries™ would soon crumble at such an quandry.
But because the idea of the product was placed in our heads, we buy the item we recognise, regardless of its quality or egginess.
But HOW can this be turned to the greater good I hear you splutter?
Well, let us tell you.
Advertising agencies, along with our Government should be placing subliminal messages on every television station. Messages that state "Make love, not war", "Hug your neighbour, dont stab him", "Give Rune Industries™ all your money!" and even "Don't vote for us, we suck".
This would make the world a slightly better place to live in. On the downside it would mean that television would be compulsory, which would suck. Bigtime.
Speaking of things that suck, most things do. Toodle PIP!
Edited by Hugo Rune on 31/05/2003 00:20:51 ! GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY REVEALED!
Over the past few months, Rune Industries™ have been risking their lives and sanity uncovering a MASSIVE governmental plot to keep the population of this country under control.
Why have we been doing this you ask?
Well, we are a blog. This is what we have been trained to do. We know no fear.
Anyway, have you ever been wandering down the street contemplating the universe like we do? I thought so. Have you ever figured it all out? No? Well we did!
During your perambulations you may have noticed that for no obvious reason a desire comes upon you for some mass marketed product or other. No matter what you are doing or thinking about you'll suddenly go "Dammit, I'd love a Mars Bar
1!". Do you know why you feel this? No? Thought not.
Well, let us try to explain. All over the country there are MILLIONS
2 of yellow clad government agents beaming COHESION and SUBSERVIENCE emotions straight into your brain.
These agents commonly disguise themselves as "roadworkers" or in extreme cases, "Engineers".
We first noticed this evil after wondering why our roads get dug up
even when there is nothing wrong with them. So we decided to risk our very souls and discover the
TRUTH!3These Agents Of Satan are diggin up our roads and burying secret devices known as "SHITE's" (Special High Intensity Telepathic Emitter's).
These SHITE's are all controlled from a secret underground bunker in Whitehall and are programmed to beam product placements straight into our frontal lobes!
YES!
The SHITE's can and are reprogrammed to beam different messages into our noggins, usually paid for by the highest bidder (this week Coca Cola have paid £125,235,000 to manipulate our thoughts to their noxious drink).
The only possible way to avoid having your thoughts manipulated is to wear a wet towel around your head whenever you go out. We are wearing one right now and the purity of thought is amazing, let us tell you.
So, finally the TRUTH is out! If you see any of these despicable bastards digging up a road you MUST run over and kick them in the hole! If you get into trouble for doing this, just say "The Internet told me" and you'll be let go.
Thank you for listening.
Rune Industries™
1 Did you know that its very funny indeed to throw a Mars Bar into a swimming pool and watch the results?
2 Which is a big number indeed.
3 This is a lie.
Edited by Hugo Rune on 28/05/2003 00:00:00 ! WILL DOKTORED GET IN THE SHITE?Doktored was on the Gumball 3000 rally a couple of weeks ago..
As usual, he was larging it.
The New York Times thinks that he is the event's organiser :)
This is extra special funny as he got involved in a screaming match with the REAL organisers over the phone yesterday..
They are so going to kick his arse :)
***** NYT ARTICLE before print ******
BY JOHN CLARKE Jr.
Las Vegas, Nevada -- In 1981, Burt Reynolds, his moustache and a star-studded cast of actors and athletes from Dean Martin to Terry Bradshaw, starred in the race car driver’s celluloid dream, The Cannonball Run, about an illegal coast-to-coast race. The dream came true five years ago in Europe when British entrepreneur Maximillion Cooper, inspired by the movie, launched his own race called the Gumball 3000 for fifty of his closest friends.
Since 1999, races have been held in across Europe and Russia. Last year the Gumball 3000 traveled from New York to Los Angeles, ending with a party at Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion. This year the race started 8 p.m., April 17 at the Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco. More than 80 cars, including Bentleys, Morgans, Aston Martins and Mercedes Benzes, a Volkswagen Eurovan with racing suspension and an 18-wheeler cab that runs partially on vegetable oil, ripped off the mark, crossed the Golden Gate Bridge.
Drivers then headed for Reno, Nevada and ultimately--hopefully—Miami Beach, Florida, stopping in Las Vegas, Nevada, Tucson, Arizona, New Orleans, Louisiana and arriving at their destination on Tuesday.
Before reaching the city limits, one driver was arrested for speeding reckless endangerment. Another, shortly after, was arrested for driving 120 mph in a 35 mph zone. A $3,500 bail was posted, but he quit the race. Some estimate drivers have received up to 22 speeding tickets, while others have finished with a mere three. In the past, drivers have totaled cars. Nobody said the race was safe. However, organizers clearly state on race literature to drive carefully and obey the law during the race.
Organizers say the Gumball 3000 is not technically a race. However, competitors push speed limits and attempt to beat one another to the check in points for bragging rights. And there are no purses and few sponsor deals. Sometimes drivers win medals, other times trophies. Essentially, it is a driving party among wealthy friends that has grown up and gone public. Drivers say it’s about camaraderie and speeding in the face of adversity (one crew from London drove most of the way through Nevada missing at least one gear on its Lotus).
"Cars have broken down and we’ve had some in jail and they’ve posed bail" Cooper said at Rah, a nightclub at the Luxor. "But everyone made it." Perhaps he was unaware of the arrests.
In the movie, the drivers were a motley crew of hayseeds, ego hounds, klieg light junkies and bored rich souls. In the real life race, drivers and those involved with the race were just as diverse and ranged from vague businessmen to retired military to celebrities such as millionaire skateboarder Tony Hawk, Jack Osbourne of MTV’s The Osbournes, Motley Crue singer Vince Neil, British model Jodie Kidd, motocross champ Carey Hart and the musician Pink.
"We have all types here from the celebrity to the banker to the bragger," said organizer David Harrison of London, as drivers arrived at Mandalay Bay for the evening festivities. "And they’re all petrol heads."
As the Friday evening party migrated from the Luxor to a less family-oriented Las Vegas destination, Gumball drivers and press took shuttles. On board, a disco ball and colored flashing lights gave the ride the feel of a mobile strip club. On one shuttle, a man in a long ponytail wearing a white leisure suit, danced around the bus, using a metal pole as a stripper might as he mugged for an MTV cameraman. He charged through a rap to the music until, as if it weren’t enough of a show, he dropped his pants revealing a black thong. Tony Hawk folded in hysterics.
"In San Francisco he had the leopard skin thong," laughed Harrison.
As the evening wore on, drivers, models and random celebrities mingled quietly. Mike Tyson, it was reported, will take the remaining legs of the trip. This has some organizers rather concerned. Luckily, he has been nowhere in sight and organizers breathe a sleepy sigh of relief.
"We just don’t need that," said one organizer who asked not to be named. "Nobody needs that. We’re hoping he doesn’t show."
Occasionally Gumballers swerved up to the bar grinning but tired. In the pre-dawn hours, most of the drivers are fast asleep. However, a small crew holds court at Island Bar at Mandalay Bay, sipping beer and gin. A British gentleman and former soldier laughs and talks about skiing in Europe and talked about soccer.
"I have to watch the futball game this morning," he says. The small crew reminds him that he has to drive in a few hours. He shrugs, waves it off and says futball is the priority. Perhaps he’ll catch up after the game.
Around 9 a.m. Saturday, a crowd gathered at Celebrity Cars to watch a pre-start motorcycle show. News helicopters hovered above creating a dust storm as onlookers and drivers grew antsy and revved their engines. Police looked on slightly amused and definitely bewildered. Two drivers calmly sat and smoked in a sleek Mercedes 600 CL waiting for the road to open up, as a gaggle of scantily clad women in platinum blonde wigs mingled with the crowd and posed for pictures. Somewhere Burt Reynolds had to be smiling.
Then, one by one, drivers pulled out of the parking lot, peeling out onto Industrial Road and tore off through the Las Vegas, the city Noel Coward once called a "fabulous, extraordinary madhouse." And considering the Gumball 3000, you can not argue with that.
we've finally released IRAQEMON!