! GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY REVEALED!
Over the past few months, Rune Industries™ have been risking their lives and sanity uncovering a MASSIVE governmental plot to keep the population of this country under control.

Why have we been doing this you ask?

Well, we are a blog. This is what we have been trained to do. We know no fear.

Anyway, have you ever been wandering down the street contemplating the universe like we do? I thought so. Have you ever figured it all out? No? Well we did!

During your perambulations you may have noticed that for no obvious reason a desire comes upon you for some mass marketed product or other. No matter what you are doing or thinking about you'll suddenly go "Dammit, I'd love a Mars Bar¹!". Do you know why you feel this? No? Thought not.

Well, let us try to explain. All over the country there are MILLIONS² of yellow clad government agents beaming COHESION and SUBSERVIENCE emotions straight into your brain.
These agents commonly disguise themselves as "roadworkers" or in extreme cases, "Engineers".

We first noticed this evil after wondering why our roads get dug up even when there is nothing wrong with them. So we decided to risk our very souls and discover the TRUTH!³

These Agents Of Satan are diggin up our roads and burying secret devices known as "SHITE's" (Special High Intensity Telepathic Emitter's).
These SHITE's are all controlled from a secret underground bunker in Whitehall and are programmed to beam product placements straight into our frontal lobes!

YES!

The SHITE's can and are reprogrammed to beam different messages into our noggins, usually paid for by the highest bidder (this week Coca Cola have paid £125,235,000 to manipulate our thoughts to their noxious drink).

The only possible way to avoid having your thoughts manipulated is to wear a wet towel around your head whenever you go out. We are wearing one right now and the purity of thought is amazing, let us tell you.

So, finally the TRUTH is out! If you see any of these despicable bastards digging up a road you MUST run over and kick them in the hole! If you get into trouble for doing this, just say "The Internet told me" and you'll be let go.

Thank you for listening.
Rune Industries™

¹ Did you know that its very funny indeed to throw a Mars Bar into a swimming pool and watch the results?
² Which is a big number indeed.
³ This is a lie.

Edited by Hugo Rune on 28/05/2003 00:00:00